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my addiction |
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| By SawyerSayingNothing | 2011-01-05 23:06:47 |
| all my life ive let men be my drugs.ive never been sober long enough to know what it feels like or even if i like it....sure i have my favorites the ones that have a better buzz the ones that last longer but in the end their all gonna get me high. espeacialy if i do more then one of them at a time right? sure it may leave me broke but who cares cause im flying high i dont need money. i need more drugs. but as i sit in my bathroom floor after a day sleeping with one drug, and exspensive drug. defently at the top of my list returning home to talk to the crystal meth of my life begging him to enter my veins and give me that feeling,smoking a little weed and snorting a few lines of coke i realize that yea im high and while its fun and it feels good im killing myself. high isnt somewhere anyone should live and while its a place thats nice to visit (not promoting drug use) being in that state constantly is awful for your health. im young...really young probably too young to know what any of this feels like but hey im a fixer, and a lover, and a broken mess. i started off pretty normal a little over weight not awful to look at but not slim sexy beatiful girl next door you want to jump all the time. just plane jane rachel. then i met my first addiction. he was a low grade drug not to much damage showed me the ropes and bowed out gracifuly when he knew he wasnt cutting it anymore. took a sodeline position to be there only when i needed him then came the crystal meth oxicotton acid trip id been begging for. he was perfect. gorgous in every way shape and form and so much magick it came off him in waves. i was hooked at the idea.and the second i got the least bit high from it there was no turning back. this drug had and did everything for me.it was all i did all i needed to keep me satisfied then this drug started breaking my body down. after about three days of nonstop use i ended up crazy, i was scared and alone and this drug begged for more. (the drug got me pregnant). a few months later still a pretty heavy user of the drug i was on a major bieng. at four in the morning after far too many hits i went stumbling down two flights of stairs and lost the drugs spon.(the drug was not informed of the spon untill after it was lost) this drug fail to the corner when weed came along. weed was great it was chill no major attachment. it was there when i needed it or just wanted it. i could think pretty clearly and it was like a reflection of the life i really wanted. free no strings just chill, weed was great but weed was stupid when over induldged and introduced me to cocain. cocain reminded me of weed in the fact that i never had a strong addiction to it i just simply liked having it in my system. it made me perky and hyper and i enjoyed everything but cocain only wanted me to do it a certin way.it only seemed to want one thing so i moved on to speacial brownies for a few weeks they were fun and made me feel like a little kid but it didnt last i keept the cocain around for fun and had a one nighter with heroin. i was not a fan. then things went for a spin when mushrooms enterd my life they were like acid but made me feel a little diffrent and happened a little faster. shrooms was my ticket out it was all i wanted to do i was hooked instantly no bad trips no scary flashes no hang overs nothing just amazing things that id only previously glimpesed on my acid meth oxi trip. but then shrooms took over it was all i could do it didnt give me an option so i snuck a few lines of cocain here and there and contemplated weed even rolled a few joints just never got around to smoking them. cocain was my fall back it had started to enjoy my way of getting high it didnt care which nostral or strawl it jsut wanted to be there but so did shrooms and the battle begain now as i lay here shrooms is asleep.cocain is on weed, weed is high, acid oxi meth is sober and i the girl who started so innocent is at rock bottom. can someone bring me vodka? |
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