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becoming me |
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| By Gabrieal | 2011-06-22 16:21:02 |
| I am in treatment for a few things, one is running away from home. I had a dream in which I lived in colorado , was alone but happy. I told my family a few days before leaving , just picked up and left on the bus. They called me a demon, it then occured to me I was correct in the direction the vision came from . I have fought with demons most of my life and not understood why until a few years ago. I have memories that are not human. I went the otherkin route for a while but stopped , they have hate . My dream had not hate for myself or others or labels or words , just emotions. Hate is the true demon evil. I do not like words , or labels or names. I am a soul , an energy , a sound, an emotion not a name. I stood in my bathroom about 4 years ago , knowing I am not Holle , I am another. I felt something evil running something i called holle and then i felt the evil and then I felt me. I realized in an instant , I was never that person Holle to begin with. I looked up and asked to be myself , the answer I knew was to step into myself and I did so. I have since this been asked if I am a walkin without the person having knowledge of this. What do I say, yes i walked into myself from my higher mind and turned myself off. I could not tolerate being in pain and being someone I learned how to be from pain. Most seem to understand that statement. I had wanted to run for so long and be another person that when it approached I had to take my ticket to healing and being another person. I am still learning who I am , I have had old friends and family tell me they dont know me and want to try to get to know me. My reactions and emotions are not someone I know , nor is the voice or memory. I knew from my familys reaction of you are a demon creature for using a vision of the lord , I know I was not wrong to leave. I know I have to finish remolding myself to remove the pain they have taught me. While I remove the infection of evil , the pain remains so I know the infection does as well. How do you forget the reaction from learned pain? How do you make others see you are not the same person , when your mind tells you , you will be attacked. How do you learn to stand your ground and know , it will be okay either way ..even if they walk off after attacking you? How, by remembering .....to just do it and keep going. In my mind I am not a human , but came here to be as one of them. My mind is not human to myself , or maybe does not have a label. I do not like words, I used thought, emotions and pictures. My memories that I do have are not off this plain , earth. Smiles , I like being me.. I am one just one ..I am myself ..it spake do you hear? | |
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