More than Fiction
|For my whole life, almost as far back as I can remember, I have had the same role model, and it is one that I "made up" when I was nine.
Her name is Amber, and she is perfect in every way. She is flawless. She is wise. She is kind and giving and understanding on an inhuman level. She is forgiving and smart and cunning and thoughtful, and she always innately knows the feelings of others, and she always knows exactly how to speak to others to make them feel better or calm down.
Over the years, and even still today, I still daydream of Amber. She is inspiring, and I wish I was her. Her wisdom guided me throughout my early teenage years, and daydreaming of her and her adventures have made an escape for me when times were hard. She has inspired much of my writing, and my creativity.
Now, being 20 years old, I realize that Amber was more than just a character I had dreamed up when I was a child. She was a dream. She was a way of life. She was an inspiration. She was a goal. She was a guide. And, most importantly, she was me.
While today I am farther from being Amber than I was when I was an innocent child, that doesn't make her any less a part of who I am. I was daydreaming about her once again today, letting her inspiration and happiness and radiance fill my heart and mind with her essence. Pretty soon, though, I realized that there was more inspiration of her to be shared.
That last bit may be a bit confusing. You see, I am a writer, and when I feel inspired, my go-to is always my writing. The problem is, every time I have ever tried to write about Amber, the words never seem to be enough. There is so much more to Amber than mere words, so I've always had a difficult time trying to write about her. Today, when her inspiration filled me once more as it often does, I felt as if I had no release. There was so much that Amber had to give to me that I couldn't contain it all.
And see, this is where my realization kicked in. I realized, that this childhood role model could be so much more than a fantasy character I had made up so long ago. Amber wasn't just a character... She is me. Or, at least, she could be.
Instead of letting words be my outlet for my inspiration, I realized that it could be me.
Amber was my inspiration. By being kind and understanding such as she was, I am able to pass on that inspiration to others, therefore passing on Amber and allowing her to inspire others as well. I can be gentle and wise, and I can be kind and giving, and in doing so I can let all this amazing feeling I get from daydreaming about her pass on to others, and perhaps maybe then they can pass Amber's inspiration onto others as well.
Back when I was ten Amber was just a figment of imagination, but I realize today, ten years later, that she is and can be so much more than that.
To any reading this, I apologize if my portrayal of Amber didn't quite allow you to understand what she is and what she means to me. As I mentioned earlier, it is very difficult for me to put her into words.
I have kept Amber a secret for so long, from my family and from even my lover, but I've finally decided that Amber is not something I should hide for fear of ridicule, but instead she is something that must be shared with the world, spreading her wisdom and kindness as far as it did in all of her adventures, changing hearts for the better and giving people a reason to turn a new cheek.
Thank you for reading. If you have any feedback I'd love to hear it.
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