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| By eclecticcrab05 | 2009-11-20 22:13:11 |
| i am eclecticcrab and i've been a wizard all my life. my mother is a witch but she also has a twist of christianity thrown in there that makes her a real study in contradiction. i grew up learning the cloud evaporation excrcises and the like as if i was learning my manners. i was learning the ways of the spirit from my godfather, a lakota souix medicine-man, in my dreams. he said it was easier that way. life was good and my powers were coming along nicely. and then my father came home from prison and through a wrench in the works with his negetiity and open critisism. as of yet i had not been adviced of the importance of silence. between that and the later falling out between my mother and i, i ended up turning my back on my teachings and, at one point, even using my powers for wrong. needless to say, i lost my gifts. a few years of constant upset, and then some prison time of my own taught me the error in my ways and now im back to full attention on my studys. i took it too far to begin with and turned completely in upon myself. moved back in with my mother, left my old lady, quit my job, walked away from all my friends and aplied myself completely to getting back what had been lost. and therein lies the problem and reason behind this blog. ive' spent the last several years attempting to practice the way my mother taught me and reading everything i could get my hands on and have had incredable results but i dont think it has as much to do with my efforts to learn as it does my conscience effort to make amenze and change. let me explain. i can't seem to meditate the way the books say, other peoples sugestions don't help either, so far n-e-wayz, i can't consciencely raise energy for rituals and spells, the few i've attempted have failed and even the, quote/unquote, easy techniques like using the pendulam have failed misserably and even just outright lied. but, i love constitutionals (walks, and in my case long walks)and hot showers, hot to a degree that would burn others, and i often find myself coming back to conscienceness feeling full to bursting with energy and knowing that i've been off doing something but with no real memory of what. as far as conscience works go i seem to do it while doing crafts. i'm very good with my hands and can do pretty much any form of craft, my favorites being sewing, carving, writing and drawing, and thats when i feel the energy flow and the other-worldly knowing and just an overwhelming love, the strongest. i dont really do things for myself and my family in this way and now that i think of it i dont really do much for me n mine except protection, but i love doing for others and most of my spells are built into medicine-bags and charms, usually at anothers request, but not alway, and even in those instances its less of a conscience effort as just a built in part of what my hands are already doing. as of late i've read much about the difference between white, gray, and black magic and i've always tried to live in the white but i'm understanding the bennefits of being gray. n-e-way, there's my difficulty and assistance is always welcome. peace n love n blessed be |
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