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I need guidance !! Please I will recieve all advice!
Posted by shaylovespahi on 2011-04-12 03:00:41 |
| PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR THOUGHTS AND ADVICE MY E-MAIL IS : shaylovespahi@yahoo.com Hi my name is Shay i am 33 years old and originally from Seattle, but live in Makiki. If this is not the correct place to ask questions I apologize! If you could send me in the right direction I would so appreciate it! I guess without telling you my whole life story would be a bit much! So I will give the highlights. Why I am seeking help is this I am feeling such a pull into the Wicca tradition. Now I had a terrible childhood filled with abuse, physical, sexual, mental, and verbal abuse my childhood was a dark time. I of coarse began my rebellion at an early age and so began my addiction to drugs. Growing up with my mother there was no religion I had not set foot in a church until my father became a born again Christian when I was 12. My dad was not around much he is a Vietnam Vet with very bad PTSD and for him Christianity was the answer for him. When I was 15 I was spiraling down and was sent to live with my Dad. They right away put me in a Christian school. This is Pentecostal, speaking in tongues kind of School/ church were our pastor is a very well know Televangelist in Seattle. At first i was so intimidated by these kids that were raised in this world that I know nothing about, I was so lost at the time and wanted so bad for my fathers approval that I jumped right in became "born again" and lived a life that was what I thought everyone wanted of me. during this time I had some very strange occurrences now I do not know if this was the physiological impression the church put on me. But I was very good at being a good Christian. I had some experiences were my pastors believed I was truly anointed with the holy spirit. There were times when I would have visions about my fellow church goers. looking back i dont know if it was real or not to this day i can not deny there has always been something about me that is different. i went twice to Guatemala on mission trips were I experienced very strange things to this day I can not explain. I was writing and preaching sermons at 17 and everyone told me I was "called" to be a pastor and retrospect i realize it was the first time i felt like my dad was truly proud of me. Then i worked for the church and went to Bible school in seattle and Texas with the intent of becoming a female pastor which to this day is still hard to achieve. then i realized at 21 that was not what I wanted but what everyone else wanted. i spiraled from then I had no back up plan and had no idea what to do with my life. I ended up a heroin addict and much much more. i know the christian church in general deals in deep guilt and i lived in that I still do. I have always felt a pull to nature and some sort of higher power but the brand of guilt has followed me still. the thoughts that anything else is evil and i will go to hell. I can not be part of a religion that sends gay people to hell not to mention the ancient Jewish that also are condemned to hell. I am clean and sober now 3 years. Hawaii is very healing to me I haven't figured out why yet, maybe the sun (being from Seattle!) but I am still plagued with guilt, depression and a feeling like a i am not living up to my potential and not to sound vain or something i have always felt I have gifts but i have not figured out in what way. I have always loved helping people animal and mother nature. now the reason I am asking for your help is I have been drawn to Wicca for some reason I cant explain i feel a pull. I understand at this point in my life that I will NOT be pulled into something because it is what people want of me but because it is what is for me. I have since my teens studied all types of religion I have had the utmost respect for all religions but I am feeling such a pull to this. What do I do with this? all the research i have done has told me to find a local Coven and get some teaching on it to see if this is really for me. Also i know at my age most of us have a longing to find ourselves whatever that may be, but I cant explain the pull i feel and i have no intentions of jumping into something i dont understand but i feel like i need to understand this pull i have. therapy, physc medicine nothing is helping the emptiness i feel the depression the addictive personality an ancient beliefs like Wicca call to me if not for the use of nature. I could not tell you what it means to be a goddess i have not ever felt that but i feel like i need to understand. My whole life i have felt such a love and interest for my Irish heritage and it amazes me the connection that I possible could have to my heritage I am so sorry this is so long it just came now again if this is not the correct forum to ask help could you direct me to the proper help! Thank you so much for your time With sincere interest, Shay |
| Posted by hazelsnake on 2011-04-12 19:25:23 |
| First this is the place to seek help. I'm replying because no one else has maybe because your story is so long. Many people, my self included, find ourselves with special abilities that Christianity cannot explain. Christianity seems for more mundane people. In Wicca you spend your first year and day working on yourself and it is not just a belief system. In that first year and a day in looking at yourself you also find the way that Wiccans see things. We don't see evil but the negative side of positive. We see our magick when it happens. We can feel the power of the Goddess and the God. We know how to work with the energies that are abundant in the universe. Mostly for you all abiltities are explained which may not happen in your first year but for real answers you need to be dedicated to learning for at least 3 years. You don't need a coven or even a teacher, there are plenty of books on Wicca and the Celtic Tradition which you seem to be drawn to. If you have any questions feel free to message me. |
| Posted by Wyndegahl on 2011-05-05 14:01:30 |
| I don't always post here because of time constraints. I also don't like to convert people to any religion or dogma. My advice is simple. Read! Knowledge is a prerequisite to any decision you have to make in life. I am not Wiccan but I promote most religions because they help center us. Faith is a good thing. Keep it simple and don't try to read into things to deeply. The main thing in life is to be happy and the pursuit of happiness is part of our heritage. Enjoy your life and practice as you see fit without labels to limit or force you in a direction you may not want to take. If you have any more questions feel free to e-mail me or message me here or on wwsn or etsy. Merry Meet and Blessed Be and Merry Part. Good luck in your journey. |
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